I was dying inside for half a century. As a child it occurred to me that I may actually be much more natural as a girl then a boy. I simply felt much closer to girls than boys. As I evolved into a young adult, the thought that something was seriously wrong with me, got stronger.
To my misfortune, therapists and other authority figures strongly rejected my doubts, actively convincing me that I was imagining things. So I buried those feelings deep inside myself.
Then one day, many years later, I was watching some teenagers playing outside during a group therapy workshop program, and I was particularly drawn to a teenage girl having a good time tossing a ball. I saw her giggling and frolicking, and suddenly it dawned on me that this was the girl I was supposed to be when I was 15 years old. THIS was the missing part of my life so many years ago. That’s when it clicked for me that I was a transgender woman.
Sadly, 90 percent of transgender women never take any steps to come to terms with the fact that they are of the opposite gender because they fear losing their job or losing their family. Also, because they are confused about whether they are transgender, they feel shame for appearing abnormal and so they are guilt-ridden about the risk of causing their loved ones pain and upset.
They keep this secret trapped deep inside to the detriment of their happiness and well being, leading to depression and suicidal thoughts.
As a result of these desperate feelings, trans women live a sad shell of existence, merely surviving from day to day, going through the motions, to gain acceptance from family, workplace, society, and they slowly die inside.
So, like so many others, I muddled along in life, feeling confused, miserable and even attempted once to take my life. My finances and personal relationships were terrible and I felt like a zombie.
After imagining myself in that teenage girl’s shoes, I had no reservation whatsoever.
I simply had to take action.
I contacted a transgender therapy clinic and took their immersion program: I learned how to walk, how to dress, how to put on make up. And, I started taking female hormones.
Perhaps most importantly, I learned that I am not alone. I learned there are many transgender women who are flourishing in their lives. And I learned that there are competent and compassionate specialists, helping to support transgender women.
As a result of taking the plunge and getting this much needed support, I felt much more cheerful and upbeat. I felt like my true self, and for the first time, I felt like there was a promising future ahead of me.
Having gone through the trauma of suppressing my true gender, I now know how to overcome it. I have a real passion to help others who wish to transition but feel trapped because they are afraid they might lose their friends, family, and colleagues.
After all, why should you suffer the way I have. With just the right kind of love and support, you can avoid the pitfalls and missteps that countless transgender women have had to go through.
Over the years of my journey, I have researched the lives of trans women who have been trailblazers. I have tried every therapy in the book. I have even found a few specialists who were sympathetic to my plight but didn’t have solutions tailored to my needs.
I want to share those experiences with you, so that you don’t have to suffer, so that you don’t have to be let down and discouraged, so that you can proceed with hope and courage.
Because, if I could make it to womanhood, so can you.
The big difference is that it will be a lot easier for you, because you will have someone who can share her knowledge and experience with you, and hold your hand all the way to the end.
I do coaching because I want to see other transgender women have the courage to live the life they want, a life of success, of joy, and love.